On Cheating
This article is for anyone curious about the effects of infidelity but as you will see, this article is namely for anyone who has ever been cheated on.
One thing to note: If you find yourself in this situation, whatever you decide to do about it is up to you and your current circumstances. I am simply here to remind you of your worth and how crucial it is to grow from every experience we find ourselves in.
Being cheated on is a special kind of pain… it is one of the most painful forms in my opinion. It is betrayal on so many levels: deceit, abandonment, rejection, humiliation— all the things your partner was supposed to protect you from.
I would never wish this kind of pain upon anyone, not even to the person who caused it. No one should have to experience the depth of this ache, but if you have or are currently dealing with this trauma, I can promise you that it will change you in the best ways, when you are ready for it… and if you actively choose to let it.
This is how I know it to be true; infidelity shatters the pillars underneath every level of your being: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. You no longer question your partner, you question yourself: your appearance, your actions, your words, your values, your standards, your environment, your intuition, your dignity and your fcking worth. But do you see? You have just been given one of the most precious opportunities to reevaluate just about everything and evolve.
I'm not going to talk about forgiveness because quite honestly, I still haven't fully embodied that whole concept in relation to being cheated on. I think it's more about having compassion for the other person's lack/low level of awareness in addition to one day waking up and realizing it no longer aches as deeply.
So before you try to "forgive" someone, I believe the first step is acknowledgement for your own behavior in hopes of expanding your awareness to further shed light on your situation. Like, realize that you most likely did ignore your intuition - you probably took yourself off the pedestal and replaced yourself with them. You have every right to sulk in anger, sadness, envy, guilt, longing, confusion, hatred, love, nausea and the rest of the rollercoaster feelings that naturally follow. Feel and sit with them, because the only way through them is just that, through them. But when you’re ready, when you’re d o n e self-sabotaging and sulking in the muck, it is time for you to do right by yourself; to expand and evolve. And let me tell ya, there is nothing more respectable/attractive than a man or woman fresh out of a breakup actively bettering themselves every single day.
If you’re reading this right now… I want to let you know, you are already healing, and yes, there is a right way of healing. The right way may be messy, confusing and extremely challenging, BUT you are experiencing these thoughts and emotions now so they don’t affect your future relationships.
You did your absolute best given your level of awareness within your relationship at the time. Your partner made a choice between loyalty and betrayal. Someone who cheated on you never fully valued you - *read that again*. Someone who loves and values you would never put themselves in a position to lose you. Would you have done that to your partner?
These emotions and thoughts are not who you are… furthermore… the fact that your partner made this choice does not make you any less worthy of a deserving relationship or the future you had anticipated. Their choice has nothing to do with you but it does have everything to do with them, their values, standards and overall character. After all, these three things are what prevent us or encourage us to behave in a certain manner. So if they have shitty values, low standards and a selfish character... they are going to make awful choices that not only have consequences for themselves, but also for those close to them. I don't think many people have the self-awareness to truly realize that.
You cannot 'think' your way into forgetting or letting go. You have to grow on and create a new life for yourself. One that doesn't exist without them, but one that never contained them in the first place.
I wish I could say that you will forget this all happened but you won’t. I can promise that someday it will no longer hurt as deeply and one day it will no longer hurt. You will be able to look back without any nausea or painful winces. But honestly, I wouldn’t want you to forget about this experience. That doesn’t mean that I want you to be fixated on it either, but I want you to be able to take responsibility for things you could have done differently (if any), remember the red flags and recognize when your boundaries are being tested/disrespected so you can carry your light, standards and values into a worthy relationship.
The aftermath of mending your own fragmented pieces will literally be one of the most intimate times you will ever spend with yourself. Simply because, if you do decide to grow from this, if you commit to unapologetically taking time to evolve and expand; it forces you to do the 'inner work'. You will ask and answer the most raw, authentic and suppressed questions/answers about yourself.
It was never my intention to give you a step by step process on how to forget about it. My intention for this article was to expand your awareness and let you know that I understand that it absolutely fcking sucks, it's paralyzing and it turns you inside out, but that you will be okay. You will be more than just okay - you are going to be fcking great and absolutely magnetic.
I deeply believe that life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you... and life will put us through the changes we need to go through in order to grow out of things that are not meant for us, to find our purpose or sometimes both. It is up to us to use this force for introspection and transformation.
I hope you choose to rewrite, rebuild, expand and evolve from this. I promise you that it will be the most rewarding thing you could do for yourself, if you find yourself in this situation.
Stay tuned for the next article where I will chat about some ways that have personally helped me heal and grow from past relationships.
With so much love,
