How Long To Get Over A Relationship Breakup
How Long To Get Over A Relationship Breakup
I understand what it’s like to feel paralyzed on every level of your being. I understand the nausea being so overwhelming you can barely stomach anything. I’ve felt the racing anxiety behind orchestrated worst-case scenarios and being utterly consumed with looping memories, the “what-ifs” and the “if onlys”. It does not matter how long your relationship lasted, whether it was months or years, your experience was real. And I am so sorry you’re feeling the loss of it without the comfort of the person you think you need it most from. If they haven’t given you closure, it’s because they cannot. Everyone has their own way of processing things and until your former partner works through their own blocks, pains, subconscious insecurities/beliefs (etc…) that allows them to fully see you, genuine closure cannot be given. Closure eventually comes, but it typically arrives when you no longer need it most.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup
We all know breakups can feel like emotional earthquakes, leaving you shaken and uncertain about how long it will take to rebuild. The truth? It varies... While a 2007 study suggested that most people start to feel better within three months, the actual healing timeline is deeply personal and depends on your unique circumstances. Let’s explore what factors influence this journey and how you can take steps to heal.
Factors That Influence Recovery Time
Length of the Relationship
The longer you’ve been with someone, the more intertwined your lives and emotions become. This deep connection and shared history can naturally take longer to untangle and heal from.
Attachment Style
Your attachment style—whether secure, anxious, or avoidant—plays a huge role in how you process a breakup. Those with an anxious attachment style might struggle more with lingering feelings, while others may move on more swiftly.
How the Breakup Happened
Not all breakups are created equal. A relationship that ends with unresolved questions or without closure often leaves behind a heavier emotional residue. (If this hits close to home, check out my guide on how to move on without closure).
Coping Mechanisms
The way you cope matters. Healthy strategies—like exercising, journaling, or diving into hobbies—can accelerate healing, while unhealthy habits like endlessly stalking your ex on social media can anchor you to the past.
Social Support
Having a solid support system can make a world of difference. Surround yourself with friends and family who uplift you and remind you of your worth.
Personal Circumstances
Factors like your career, mental health, and overall lifestyle will influence your recovery. Sometimes, external pressures can either hinder or help your healing process.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline, it’s essential to give yourself grace. Healing isn’t linear, and your journey is uniquely yours.
How To Get Over A Relationship Breakup
Healing from a breakup requires intention and patience. Here are some actionable steps to guide you:
1. Allow Yourself To Feel Sad
Grieving is an important step in healing. Suppressing sadness, anger, or confusion can delay progress. Instead:
Journal your thoughts to give your emotions an outlet.
Share your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist.
Cry if you need to—it’s a healthy release.
2. Create Healthy Coping Strategies
Focus on habits that nurture your mind and body:
Exercise to boost endorphins and reduce stress.
Try mindfulness or meditation to ground yourself in the present.
Rediscover hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.
3. Limit Social Media Usage
Scrolling through your ex’s, their friends’, or their new partner’s social media is like watching a highlight reel—it’s curated, not real life. What you’re seeing are the best moments, not the full picture, which can lead to false narratives, unfair comparisons, and unnecessary anxiety. It’s easy to assume they’re happier or better off, but in reality, you’re filling in gaps with your imagination, not facts. Over time, this habit can take a toll on your mental state, fueling self-doubt, overthinking, and even preventing you from moving forward. The healthiest thing you can do? Stop peeking and focus on your own reality—because that’s where true healing and growth happen.
4. Spend Time With Loved Ones
Your friends and family can remind you of the love and support still in your life:
Plan activities that bring you happiness.
Don’t hesitate to lean on your support system when times get tough.
5. Focus On Self-Improvement
Breakups can be a catalyst for personal growth. Use this time to reconnect with yourself:
Set new goals or revisit old passions.
Explore new skills or hobbies to expand your horizons.
Establish self-care routines that restore your confidence and well-being.
6. Seek Professional Help If Needed
Sometimes, professional guidance can help untangle lingering feelings:
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help reframe negative thought patterns.
Group therapy provides shared experiences and communal support.
The Healing Process
This was not an easy process for me and it didn’t happen overnight, within days, weeks or even months. Regardless of how long my own processing lasted, this is what I know for certain: I gave myself exactly what I needed: time, space, patience, love, nourishment, respect, reassurance, support, protection and encouragement — each time I decided to choose growth and progression over pain, I added to my emotional resilience. I proved to myself that I am indeed capable of loving myself in ways I want someone to love me.
Something I deeply believe in is this: life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you... and life will put us through the changes we need to go through in order to grow out of things that are not meant for us, to find our purpose or sometimes both. It is up to us to use this force for introspection and transformation.
I hope you choose to rewrite, rebuild, expand and evolve from this. I promise you that it will be the most rewarding thing you could do for yourself, if you find yourself in this situation.
If you’re finding it difficult to let go, revisit resources like this blog or read this article about how to move on without closure.
With love,
Stephanie
