Should you ask how many people your partner has slept with?

*Data Queen* has entered the chat.

I gathered data from 380+ women and 400+ men. The question asked came from someone from our instagram community. (If you aren’t yet following along on Insta, you’re missing out on some juicy data & content).

A guy DM’d me saying that his current partner asked him how many people he’s had sex with in the past. He mentioned how he felt the need to lie to her because he thought it was a trick question; that nothing positive would come from it.

It got me thinking… why would we need to know this information about someone? Some people argued that they want to make sure their partner is “clean”. Excuse me, but “clean vs dirty” are terms to be used during laundry, not for your or someone else’s sexual health/ history.

Should your partner's body count matter?

First and foremost, it’s important to reflect on why you might feel the need to know this about your partner’s past. I believe there is a line between fun pillow talk where you explore sexual desires and fantasies vs digging into their past for reasons that may be stemming from your insecurities. I’d recommend taking the time to deeply reflect on if this information is actually beneficial to you and your relationship.

If you’re concerned about your partner’s sexual health, you can ask them when they last got tested. Asking how many sexual partners they have had isn’t an effective or beneficial question in my opinion.

Check out the questions corresponding data from our instagram community:

Do you want to know how many intimate partners your partner has had?

Based on 332 women and 412 men who voted

The majority of men and women DO NOT want to know how many people their partners has had sex with. I’m right there with them. Does knowing this information positively effect your relationship in anyway?

Which led me to the next question…

Is it a turn off if your partner has a high number of intimate partners?

Based on 387 women and 410 men who voted.

Holy sh*t, 34% of women versus nearly 50% of men said it’s a turn off if their partner has a high number of intimate partners. Perhaps this is why its a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation. I believe more men care about this because they are known to operate on a physical plain where as women are known to operate from an emotional stand point. Don’t believe me? Read this article on what men/women think is more painful: emotional or physical cheating (yes, with real data).

How to ask how many people your boyfriend/girlfriend has slept with

You know where I stand with this situation but if you are DYING to know how many partners your significant other has slept with, I would keep it lighthearted and playful. You might have a better chance at honesty if you approach the topic with playfulness instead of a sense of insecurity. You could also ask them if they want to know how many people you have slept with. By you opening up about it, it may make them more comfortable telling you how many people they’ve been with.

If you found this article insightful/ beneficial please share my blog/ instagram with your friends!

xX,
Stephanie