How To Tell Someone You Are Not Interested
What do you think is more painful? The constant hope of having a chance with someone or their potential rejection?
This is what I mean by hope: the constant what-ifs, the romanticized movie you’ve written, directed and produced IN YOUR HEAD. The longing for what could be, the “if only”. To me, hope is a buffer from a (sometimes) painful reality. It can prevent you from fully moving on, from being able to see new paths and partners because you are so fixated on “what could be” with someone else. It’s so easy to look at someone’s pictures and begin creating a story based on very little interactions. Our minds are amazing in that way, but it’s also kinda crazy, isn’t it? Why do we hold onto someone who is giving us so little, or maybe they’ve given us nothing at all and we are on the sidelines writing and directing The Notebook 2.0. But here is what’s dangerous about that: you will compare everyone you meet to whatever story or super-lover you created in your head. And that shit is not healthy.
I personally believe hope is more painful than rejection. Yes, rejection fckn stings but once you realize they simply PREFER someone/something else and that it genuinely has nothing to do with you personally - that it has to do with their personal preference; it’s easier to end that “story” or put the what-ifs to rest.
One more thing, you should be so sure of yourself, your value and energy you bring into a relationship that if someone is going to reject it, you almost feel sorry for them for being unable to see what you see in yourself. Take your confidence, generosity and time elsewhere. You should never waste your time proving your worth to anyone. High self-worth is radiant, magnetic and secure.
75% of men and women believe hope to be more painful than rejection.
I asked 126 men and women what they believed to be more painful, hope or rejection.
So! Let’s all be a bit more mindful and transparent but like, learn how to take a fcking hint when someone isn’t interested so we stop wasting each other’s precious time and feelers.
How To Be Honest When You Are NOT Interested:
I think this interaction is extremely beneficial for everyone involved. The pursuer (if rejected) will be able to put the story to rest and move on. The ‘pursuee’ will be able to practice transparency (we could all use a little more honesty, don’t you think?). I know these might seem a little harsh, but they work and I have personally found these two sentences to be great alternatives to ghosting. PS. Don’t ghost, that’s fcking rude.
“I really appreciate the offer/invite but I’m not interested in exploring things any further than what they currently are”. You can add fluff in if you want to, but try keeping it on the short ‘n sweet side.
“I really enjoyed our time together but I didn’t feel the connection that would allow me to continue things and that’s not fair for anyone involved”.
Boom, done. Doesn’t that feel nice? Trust me, the pursuer will appreciate your honesty more than anything. Hope is a dangerous thing, remember? If they aren’t taking it well and they instead lash out, lmao, congrats! You’ve just dodged a bullet. Props to you.
If you’re in a pickle and don’t know how to craft a sincere response, email or message me on instagram. I’m allll about finding new ways on how to be forthcoming without creating any collateral damage.
If you’re questioning if someone is interested in you or not, read this article. I promise it will answer your question. If your situation is a bit more complex, feel free to message me. I’ll be more than happy to be honest about what’s truly going on. Sometimes all we need is an outside perspective in our drunken haze ;).
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