When Should Women Split The Tab?
I offer to split the bill on date #1. Quite honestly, I would feel like a dud otherwise, but here is the real reason: I am 100% testing you to figure out where you see the relationship going and if I like where I see it’s going based on your acceptance or denial of my offer. In my opinion, if you ask/let a lady YOU invited on a date to pay for half of it, you are either intentionally friend-zoning her or need to brush up on your courting skills. Do not be surprised when I politely decline date #2 if it’s the latter. Did I really just go Dutch on a date that I wasn’t really into, omg, or even worse… a date I WAS ACTUALLY INTO? Gentlemen, please… if you invite a lady on a date, do not let her touch her purse. Even if she seems to be insistent, do not fall for our endearing little effort. You initiated, chose the time and possibly the setting. Her investment in this situation is her time.
If you don’t think that’s fair, then try getting to know her in some other way that you believe to be a lower-risk investment. I.e. Ask her to go on a hike, beach walk, bike ride, coffee shop— you get the point. Us women do not want to spend a penny on an outing when we A.) barely know you, and or B.) no longer want to pursue things with you after getting to know you. ‘But Steph, what if she was Satan's favorite niece?’ Sack up, Buck-o. You pursued and invited this lady on a date. I don’t care if she friend-zoned you or turned out to be part of Satan's inner circle; have some integrity— pay up and peace-out.
The F Word: Feminism
Here is what I would like to vocalize on behalf of the 50+ women who expressed their thoughts on this topic. Year-over-year the awareness revolved around gender equality (rights, pay and opportunity) has become prominent AF. I received some responses from men saying, “If women want equal pay, they should be able to pay their part.” That’s fine, Equal Earl, but would you mix business and pleasure? I sure as hell wouldn’t. Though women are making serious strides towards equality in their workplace, this does not mean we no longer want to be courted/ taken care of in our intimate relationships. Biologically speaking, the majority of us women seek a partner who has masculine energy. One of the most notable traits of genuine masculine energy is giving. Feminine energy, being the Yin, is known for receiving. If people even out these energies, depolarization presents itself. AKA, when you are channeling the same energy, the relationship could become stale/unbalanced. Have you ever heard of the saying 'opposites attract'? (I'll let that one sink in for a sec ☺️).
Majority Rules
66% of women believe it’s appropriate to begin splitting the bill when they are in a committed relationship.The rationale behind these responses were that women do not want to split the tab with a man who is also seeing other women.
'Ok, Stephanie, but what about when we are exclusive? What does that look like?' Well, it depends on your financial ability to contribute and what kind of person you would like to be exclusive with. If your significant other wants to take you on a weekender in New York whilst staying at the Ritz and you know this is something you cannot afford at the moment, vocalize that. Let them know you are willing to contribute X amount. They will most likely let you know it’s not about the money and that this is something they would like to do for the both of you. If not, they will find something a bit more modest. Nonetheless, your partner will appreciate the offer/contribution more than you know. The simplest yet most important thing you should be doing in your relationship is TRYING. One way to ‘try’ would be to offer and contribute, otherwise, your significant other could feel like they're being taken advantage of.
A Note To My Ladies: Why You Should ALWAYS Offer
You do not know this man’s financial situation. If this outing is going to cost him a significant part of his bank account, we genuinely don’t wish for that to happen. But then again, he shouldn’t be taking you to Nobu if that’s the case. #FinancialResponsibility
The gent will appreciate your offer, every. single. time. He will believe you are making an equal effort for the relationship and investing in it just as much as he is, even if he decides to politely decline your offer.
One step further… Show your appreciation. No, not through physical efforts, verbal efforts; two simple thank yous (after picking up the tab and at the end of the night). Men want to know they are appreciated and they love hearing that you also appreciate their efforts in getting to know you by taking you out for a nice evening.
If you genuinely like this gent, pick up a round of drinks or pay for FroYo after an outing. This unexpected initiative could make him melt. We know how nice it feels to be wined and dined; the least we can do is give the same feeling to the man who gives it to us.
So Like… What Are We?
66% of women believe they should only begin splitting the tab when they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. The majority of these women also stated that they would still appreciate it if their partner treated them to occasional/nicer outings.
60% of men think the same is appropriate.
A Lady Should NEVER Pay
18% of women believe they should never pay. Though they do believe in picking up the tab for special occasions and buying sweet lil’ somethings here and there.
26% of men believe ladies should never pay, though they appreciate an offer.
You Get The Next One, Babe
14% of women believe in a tit-for-tat approach.
8% of men agree.
You Can Just Venmo Me Or Something
2% of women believe everything should be fairly split.
6% of men concur.
Responses were submitted by 50+ women and 50+ men aged 22-38.