Eeek!!

Honestly, the fact that I have a blog is still strange to me. Mainly because I never considered myself a writer and especially since I was told by a former colleague that I was not a strong writer. If that guy is reading this right now, and yes you would know exactly who you are, I’m sorry I never got the chance to say this in person… go fck yourself.

Anyway, back to what I was saying before that anus rudely interrupted me (classic).

This blog came to me during a really challenging time in my life. Without going into too much detail, my life basically fell apart (LOL) in 2018. Every single aspect of my life (love, professional and familial) became fragmented and I couldn’t see a clear path due to all the emotional residue.

Recently I’ve had to answer how this blog came about. Does anyone remember the transformation picture I posted sometime last year? Well that’s how it all started. I posted a before and after picture of me about 30 lbs heavier. Yes… that’s about a third of my current weight, fcking crazy, I know.

I received so many questions on exactly what I did to lose the weight and albeit I was more than happy to share my shifted habits, the weight loss did not stem from an outward decision, it was entirely internal. I hated feeling icky or ‘slow’ when I ate unhealthy foods. I hated hiding behind oversized clothing while growing up. I know what it’s like to let others have what I want because I didn’t feel worthy in my own body. I suppressed my desires because I was too insecure to pursue them.

This is what I wanted people to know… I understand people may want to change their body because of the way they LOOK, but your efforts will stick if they are stemming from a place of observance based on how you FEEL.

Change your body based on how you feel, not the way you want to look.

This simple realization made me want to tell people this is HOW I lost all that weight. But there was more to it… I also wanted people to understand that their relationships, environment, words, friends, work, etc… effects on their physical health (AKA their appearance)… So I posted another Instagram on how your relationships affect your health. But Instagram cut me off because I wrote too much in the caption [queue in my sass/ambition]. So I decided to start a blog because I would be able to write how ever much or little I wanted to and it was entirely on my own terms. Welcome to Self Care Every Dam Day.

I had nothing to lose.

Remember when I said my life fell apart in 2018? Well it did. I lost A LOT. My losses made me realize that I was stagnant in just about every aspect of my life and that I had been living a life that was SO out of alignment with who I am. I was in a corporate job surrounded by older men who only thought of me as a ‘pretty young thing’ to show off to clients. The love I wanted made me neglect my own values, needs and worth. And there were major changes for my family. That’s all ya need to know.

The work environment was SO toxic, high-strung and the opposite of expansive. I realized I am not the masculine energy I was projecting in that corporate job.

The love I was chasing… this one still hurts, I won’t deny it. But I have to give credit where it’s due. The love that broke me, made me. It made me realize where I lacked self-worth, boundaries and it allowed me to see my own destructive behavior. I made an internal vow to never lose myself trying to prove my worth to anyone and to always choose vulnerability.

Do you know how much inner work I had to do to mend each of these fragmented pieces? A FCKING LOT. I am fcking proud of the Stephanie that reluctantly carried herself through all the toxic muck 2018/2019 dished out. I’m literally tearing up writing this right now. Happy tears, sad tears, nostalgic tears, allll the feels. If you’ve made it this far through this article, thank you. Whether you’re just curious about my silly little-big mind or you resonate with what I write about, having you enjoy this as much as I do means more than you know. This blog has been my main source of joy and I really hope it continues to be for a very long time.

Thank you for allowing me to create and play in a space where others can feel seen, heard and understood.

And thank you to everyone who chimes in on topics they have opinions about! I’ve connected and reconnected with some of the most funny, sweet and emotionally adept people I never even knew existed!

Allll this being said, I am thinking of doing a ‘one-year giveaway’ for both men and women. I’m not entirely sure what I will be giving away since I really want whatever it is to be expansive and relevant. I’ll announce the giveaway towards the end of November as that’s when the actual one-year anniversary is :)!

With love,

Stephanie