It’s SO easy to get turned off during the early stages of dating. Our date does one thing abnormal or gross and we develop the “ick” causing us to never want to talk to them again. I’ve made it my mission to bridge the gap and share insight directly from men to women and women to men so we can date honestly and with intention.

I asked 241 men and women what their immediate turn offs have been during a first date. There were 16 common responses that both men and women mentioned. I decided to break this up into two parts because it would be a little overwhelming otherwise. You can read part 2 here which includes the other 8 turn offs.

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I asked 115 women and 126 men what their immediate turn offs were/are during a first date. Men and women said the exact same things.

1. Bad Personal Hygiene

BAD BREATH. CAN WE PLEASE SET A STANDARD FOR FLOSSING AND BRUSHING OUR PEARLY WHITES TWICE A DAY? You’re trying to get to know your date and ultimately, get closer to them, right? Having bad breath is a REPELLENT. I always carry a pack of gum with me, and you should too.

2. Being rude to restaurant staff

This NEVER a good look. If you are being rude to the anyone right in front of us, we are going to take that as a telltale sign of how you will be treating us as an individual and your potential future partner— no thanks.

3. Being on their phone

SO MANY men and women mentioned this as an immediate turn off. Unless there was some sort of emergency or it’s work-related and that is communicated, then that’s fine. But if a date was on their phone scrolling through IG or mindlessly texting their friends… why tf are they even on this date right now? Have some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You both made a commitment to share your time and energy together; if someone is glued to their phone it either means they are lacking the confidence to hold a sincere talk/connection with you or they are uninterested in being there. None of these are attractive qualities.

4. Being late without warning

WE’VE BEEN PREPPED FOR THIS!!! Don’t you remember schools taking attendance?! I fully understand things come up but make sure you’re letting your date know if you’ll be even a few minutes late. Example: “Ahh! Parking is awful, see you in a few minutes.”

5. Not adding anything to the conversation

First date jitters… I’ve felt them too. There are many reasons why someone wouldn’t be adding to the conversation… maybe the other person is dominating the conversation, perhaps someone is nervous/ anxious, or maybe they truly just have nothing to say. That being said, this is a loaded potato. BUT, now knowing that a lot of men and women dread dead conversations… come to the date prepped with some engaging questions and funny stories to share with your date!

First date conversation ideas and questions:

How did you spend your day?
What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done?
How would your friends describe you?
What’s something I wouldn’t guess about you?
Who has been the most influential person in your life?

5. Talking about your ex

I’m allll for having deep conversations and I actually think reflecting on past relationships is okay if it naturally comes up. But randomly bringing up your ex, your ex’s friends, family, car, dog, favorite restaurant and life is such a turn off and could signal that you are still not over your ex. Don’t bring your past into your present.

7. Poor eye contact

Ouff… this one is tough because if someone has bad eye contact with you, you question if they’re awkward/ nervous or if they’re uninterested… It’s funny how life is just an entire perception— We are all perceiving and feeling things differently.

Eye contact tips:
If you struggle holding good eye contact, try looking subtly shifting your gaze between their left and right eye every 7-10 seconds while listening to them. If you’re speaking, it’s okay and normal to have your gaze shift away every now and then as if you are pondering something as you’re speaking.

8. Over sexualizing your date/ the conversations

A lot of women mentioned that it’s a turn off when men over sexualize them on the first date and hint at sexual innuendos. I agree with these ladies. It’s just too early on for this sort of thing. Unless you’re both on the same page and your only intention is to hook up with each other, that’s a different story. But try keeping the sexual innuendos at a minimum during the first date because it can make a woman think you only want one thing from her.

Read part 2 here: First date tips, advice and turns offs part 2.

Thank you to everyone who shared their insight with me! If you don’t yet follow me on Instagram, click here and follow along. I’m always posting content and sharing data on similar topics to these ^ :).

With love,
Stephanie