“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am”

-Thomas Cooley

We have fed into various realms of false realities; predominantly through Facebook and Instagram (in my personal experience). Our brains evolved to constantly compare ourselves to our peers. This is a completely natural and involuntary impulse. Making comparisons such as “I’m better than my peer at xyz” was helpful in identifying one’s own skills that could be best leveraged to add value and subsequently gain status within their group. On the other hand, comparisons such as “he/she is better than me at xyz, I need to work on that if I want to attract the same,” could be a motivating factor to improve oneself. But social media influencers have made it almost impossible to actually compare to their level of projecting— I’ve heard of people booking photoshoots in a private jet just to portray a certain lifestyle… What the actual fck.

The experience of travel has been replaced with the experience of a digital representation of those things. If you haven’t caught on yet, what people post is nearly always images of themselves in a positive light. It’s as if we are sending out a digital representative that seeks instant validation for what society deems to be attractive, trendy and successful. But what we are really doing is detaching from our true selves and disregarding our actual needs. Sure, your digital rep might be getting surface-level validation, but how does that make YOU feel when your true needs aren’t being recognized and supported? Needs such as genuine connection, self expressing and/or affection (just to name a few). Detaching from your true self and disregarding your needs is what causes anxiety, isolation and depression.

Knowing how social media makes me feel at times, I’ve set some major boundaries…

My Boundaries Include:

• NOT looking at the Explore Page because A.) this WILL lead to endless scrolling and B.) depending on your past search history it will either be flooded with what society considers to be the perfect body/lifestyle or donuts (guilty, donuts are my weakness). But thats the point, I don’t necessarily want to be looking at my weakness all day long — that sounds like perfect way to emotionally drain myself.

• I’ve unfollowed every account that made me feel any sort of negative emotion and I began following accounts that have: extremely positive quotes, personal development content, healthy foods and really pleasant pictures of nature (lol, it's calming).

• Remind yourself that you are only seeing the highlight reel. Often times the more outward happiness and confidence someone is displaying on social media is in order to compensate for their own inward lack of self esteem.

• Sometimes I’ll leave my phone in the car if I’m running a quick errand or getting a bite somewhere. There really is no reason to mindlessly scroll on your phone between the moments of waiting for your food or picking up dry cleaning… CONNECT. If there isn’t anyone around, observe and be present. Just breathe and enjoy your own company, you are a fcking delight.

• Look up to the right kinds of people and allow their success to help you set goals worthy of your time and effort. @JayShetty @TonyRobbins

• Lock the amount of time your phone (or computer) will allow you to spend on apps. There are third-party apps that can help out with this and now iPhones have this functionality built into their software.

• Rearrange the apps on your home screen. Bury whatever app tempts you most way back on screen #3. Those extra two swipes of effort will give your brain time to consider “do I really need to be opening IG right now?”

• Go on a social media hiatus. Try deleting your app during the week or weekend and see how your emotional and mental state changes.

If Social Media Is Causing Issues In Your Intimate Relationships, Try This:

• Mute the other ladies/gents who you have recently hooked up with, recently been trying or hoping to hook up with. You are a confident being, you know you will have options if and when you need them. There’s no need to bombard your brain with thoughts of the grass being greener every time you see one of their posts.

• Unfollow the random instagram models. The beauty they display is often a carefully curated result of huge amounts of makeup and creative photo editing. There is no reason for your brain to be comparing your partner to these 'digital reps'.

- Dave S., Stephanie Daily