400+ men and women share why they cheated
I asked our Instagram audience, “if you’ve cheated, why?” Over 400+ men and women responded. The majority of people who responded were men, so please keep that in mind as you read this article and the findings.
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90+ share how they found out they were being cheated on
400+ men and women share why they cheated
Top 10 reasons why people cheat:
1. Lack of Attention/ Validation/ Affection/ Connection/ Loneliness
Mentions: 85+
Includes: Lack of attention, lack of validation, lack of affection, lack of connection, emotional unavailability, loneliness, feeling lonely, feeling neglected, no longer receiving attention.
2. Lust/ Temptation
Mentions: 45+
Includes: Lust, temptation, sexual desire, horny.
3. Emotional Immaturity
Mentions: 35+
Includes: Emotional immaturity, selfishness, being young and stupid, emotional unavailability.
4. Opportunity
Mentions: 30+
Includes: Opportunity, desire and opportunity.
5. Boredom
Mentions: 20+
Includes: Boredom, to escape from reality.
6. Lack of Sex/ Intimacy
Mentions: 35+
Includes: Lack of sex, lack of intimacy, lack of sexual activity.
7. Unhappy Relationship
Mentions: 25+
Includes: Unhappy relationship, wanting to end the relationship, toxic relationship.
8. Revenge/ Getting Back at Partner
Mentions: 20+
Includes: Revenge, getting back at partner, partner cheated.
9. Low Self-Esteem/ Worth
Mentions: 15+
Includes: Low self-esteem, low self-worth, to feel better.
10. Curiosity/ Excitement
Mentions: 15+
Includes: Curiosity, seeking excitement, thrill-seeking, wanting something new.
Before you read these responses, if you had any thoughts on this topic/ findings, I’d love to hear them. Please comment them below or message me on Instagram!
415+ men and women share why they cheated:
Conquest
I was on drugs
I became inattentive to my partner and didn’t know how to express that
I have blacked out and made out with someone, no idea why?
Revenge
Men cheat because their natural instinct is to spread the seeds.
Felt unwanted/lack of attention in my relationship or they did it first
So moral of the story, not being that into you!
It was in high school, it was my first boyfriend, wasn’t in love. Cheated with the guy I was with for 3 years after
Troubles in the relationship/wasn’t getting enough attention so I sought it outside
I was young in high school and didn’t have serious feelings for the person I was with.
Stuck in a relationship that was impossible to get out of. Boyfriend was a loser and I kept living my life…
Found out my girlfriend cheated on me, begged me not to leave… so then I cheated on her
My girlfriend at the time stopped having sex with me.
Most do it for the thrill, because they can, or because they’re unhappy.
It was a long-distance relationship. He was extremely controlling. I wanted to regain control, I guess.
I didn’t love myself
Lack of attention
Didn’t feel desired by my significant other
Spent 9+ years in a sexless marriage.
Lust
Partner’s lack of interest
The relationship was effectively over, but I was too weak to officially end it
My partner had no interest in sex
For the challenge
Opportunity
Sex
Needed more and my wife was not interested.
Was tired of the current relationship and over 3,000 miles away (deployed)
This new person made me feel more desirable than my partner did.
Spouse and I had a sex life that was in the toilet
Lack of intimacy at home
I lacked the courage to be honest with myself.
It happened when I was away as an Erasmus student last week
Mainly for the sex. Adding a little excitement.
Shared interests, showed interest in me and my feelings. Which was lacking in the current relationship
Mutual opportunity for having sex on the side with no romantic options. It was only sex.
Have been with my girlfriend and never cheated in 20 years, if people do it, it’s because something is missing.
Human nature
My ex said sex was too painful, and we could never really get after it, so I wandered
I wanted to feel something, anything, besides the pain in my relationship
Insecurity. Inferiority complex.
For sex.
Not proud of it, but because my ex was okay with intimacy only one time a month or less, and I wanted more.
Because she was cheating on me
Lack of affection from their partner. People have needs, and seek comfort elsewhere.
Sex
Yes, only because I found out that she cheated on me.
Was too horny and didn’t get it at home, and people cheat because it’s so much temptation, and it’s easy.
Didn’t feel wanted by my partner
Seeking attention lacking in their current relationship.
I was not a priority
Spouse withholding sex and intimacy…
I cheated to get out of a relationship… at the time I thought I was doing good.
Not enough guts to man up and end the relationship
Selfish, ego, young and basically a douchebag
I really don’t know
I have in the past because it was something new, and she was interested. Vs what I had at home
Over controlling ex-wife who cheated first
Betrayal that led to weakness on my part. Crossing a line I never crossed before
I felt unloved and underappreciated, and someone else showed me both
I was not getting attention and got it from someone else
Emotional immaturity
Got the chance to be with the one I really want, been married for 28 years now, never regretted it
It was a way out of my marriage
No sex in a marriage for two years
Mutual attraction
Yes, when I knew or believed that the other party was unfaithful first.
Not meeting physical and/or emotional needs
Yes, neglect
For fun
Because the man or woman stopped trying, and it’s not exciting anymore.
My wife quit giving me attention. She gave the dog more attention and affection.
Girlfriend was moody every day
She pushed me away. Her focus changed. She shouldn’t have been in a relationship
I was bored with my current relationship
Used to. It felt oddly empowering having multiple girls wanting me
Wasn’t getting sex and was being neglected.
Loneliness
For the closeness… the hugs, the caressing, the sex, for feeling loved. I guess it wasn’t enough at home.
I should have broken up first, but didn’t realize it at the time. Crazy in hindsight.
Bad relationship with no intimacy. Physically nor mentally.
Once cheated, broken up first, but didn’t realize it at the time. Crazy in hindsight.
Bad relationship with no intimacy. Physically nor mentally.
Once cheated to assure myself I wanted to break away from my relationship
Lust
Lack of attention
Thrills
Fear of missing out
Carpe Diem
I wasn’t satisfied, you hear it all the time. I wasn’t getting attention, affection, excitement blah blah blah
Not sure to be honest. It just happened
Wrong wife selected
Emotional abandonment by an asexual wife. Later discovered I had a sex and love addiction. Now, recovery.
Hot sex
Not re cheating but your post about how 80% of men imagine sex with a female friend. Do females do this?
Past regrets
No love left and can’t quit marriage due to a special child
Lust and frustration
Was young in high school & I cheated because my crush was interested in me. Dumb & won’t ever again
In a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable
Yeah, variety
Thought I was being neglected
We didn’t have sex for months. She was always working and working at home.
Because my wife stopped making love to me like her mother did with her husband.
Lack of sex and low desire from my partner. Basically not feeling wanted
Fell in love
Intimacy
I wanted the person badly
Because she was so hot and I needed it for the little me inside that hot girls find me attractive
The thrill of getting caught, doing the wrong thing. Selfish indeed, but such a rush!
Temptation
It’s human instinct that can’t be controlled.
Got bored and wasn’t scared to get caught
Not satisfied sexually
Not often enough
Low self-esteem and self-worth
Being taken for granted
Emotionally immature, and I was not communicating with my partner
I was not happy with my sex life with her
Lonely, lack of a physical relationship, menopause
Escape from real life
Yes. Lack of at-home sex
Yes, my wife with my childhood love
I didn’t feel connected at all with my wife and felt stronger bonds emotionally with other women
Emotionally cheated several times. Not physically. Because my needs weren’t being met.
Flirting attention I was not getting from my wife
Yes, I was offered my first threesome, and I couldn’t resist. Guilt has set in, though.
Revenge. Not proud of it
Need something to fill the feeling I’m missing in the relationship. Also, feel it’s harder to fix than cheat
Lack of attention from your partner plus the thrill of having a new person
Basically, love isn’t the driving factor in that relationship
Lust
If emotional cheating is this question also. Lack of sex/emotional connection again
Lack of sex with wife… like not in over a year
If emotional cheating is this question also. Lack of sex/emotional connection again
Lack of sex with wife… like not in over a year
The thrill of something different, and I didn’t feel loved and appreciated at home.
Thoughts only, usually because of sex
Wife forgot about regular sex life. I needed someone for sex, to be close, to get intimate
Yes. Mostly I was selfish. I’m ashamed of it, to be honest. It pretty much came down to the idea that I was not getting enough attention from my wife.
Because I met my soul mate one person too late
Wasn’t happy with the current situation
Because she cheated first, and I figured our relationship was over.
For a number of reasons, including years of a growing chasm in my marriage, and meeting someone I felt young with
Lack of intimacy and sex
The need for validation
In a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable
Cheated on my wife in the first year of marriage because I got attention from another woman
100% no self-control
5 years together with my GF. Last year, sex maybe two or three times, did it, didn’t get caught
Attention
Lack of sex
Anger and hurt
Desire
No love left, and she was physically and emotionally unavailable
Desire
Lust and revenge
Emotional immaturity
Because I thought my boyfriend cheated first, and I was angry
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
Temptation, lack of attention from the partner
I was very young in a relationship that I was not into. The attention I got was so thrilling that I got tempted.
Love
Lust
Opportunity
I was weak, stupid, and selfish
Sexual desire, lack of sex life with a significant other
Lust
Loneliness
I felt neglected by my wife
No longer receiving attention from my partner
Low self-esteem, to make myself feel better
I cheated because I felt lonely, and I wasn’t getting any affection from my wife. The physical and mental contact had gone.
I was immature and emotional
Not sure, still wondering to this day
I was a horny 20-something
My girlfriend stopped having sex with me. She told me her feelings had changed, but she didn’t want to break up.
I wanted out of the relationship but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it on my own.
Low self-worth
For sex and excitement. Not at all proud of it.
Sex
I cheated because I was in an unhappy relationship that I did not want to be in anymore, but I was too much of a coward to end it, so I cheated on him to give myself an excuse to leave.
Mostly selfishness
Lack of attention and connection from my partner
Lack of attention and validation from my partner.
Temptation
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
To get back at my cheating ex
Temptation, revenge, to get out of the relationship
Boredom
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
We were young and in a toxic relationship.
I was young, the relationship wasn’t serious, and I was emotionally immature
Opportunity
My wife rejected my every sexual advance
Selfishness
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
Sex
Lust
Opportunity and desire
Not sure, I guess I was looking for validation
I cheated because I felt lonely, and I wasn’t getting any affection from my wife. The physical and mental contact had gone.
Lack of sex, connection, and communication.
Lack of sex and intimacy
Temptation and opportunity
I was young and stupid
My partner wasn’t giving me the attention I needed, so I sought it elsewhere
To escape from my reality
Lust and temptation
I was weak, stupid, and selfish
Boredom
Lust
Opportunity
My wife rejected my every sexual advance
No longer receiving attention from my partner
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
Emotional immaturity
Temptation
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
I was young and stupid
Low self-worth
To feel wanted and desired
Opportunity and desire
Lust and temptation
Selfishness
I was in a toxic relationship and didn’t know how to get out.
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
I wanted out of the relationship but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it on my own.
Boredom and opportunity
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.
To feel wanted and desired
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
Lack of sex and intimacy
To escape from my reality
My partner wasn’t giving me the attention I needed, so I sought it elsewhere.
I was a horny 20-something
I was young and emotionally immature
Opportunity
Lust
To escape from my reality
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I was young, the relationship wasn’t serious, and I was emotionally immature.
Opportunity
My wife rejected my every sexual advance
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Low self-worth
Lust
Temptation and opportunity
My partner wasn’t giving me the attention I needed, so I sought it elsewhere.
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Emotional immaturity
Selfishness
Lust
To feel wanted and desired
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
I was in a toxic relationship and didn’t know how to get out.
To escape from my reality
Boredom
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
To feel wanted and desired
Opportunity
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.
Lust and temptation
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I wanted out of the relationship but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it on my own.
Temptation
Lack of sex and intimacy
Opportunity and desire
I was young and stupid
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Boredom and opportunity
I was a horny 20-something
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Selfishness
Low self-worth
To escape from my reality
Lust
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
To feel wanted and desired
My partner wasn’t giving me the attention I needed, so I sought it elsewhere.
Emotional immaturity
Opportunity and desire
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Lust and temptation
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I was young and emotionally immature
Boredom
Opportunity
Lack of sex and intimacy
Low self-worth
To feel wanted and desired
Selfishness
Lack of attention and connection from my partner
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.
To escape from my reality
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
I wanted out of the relationship but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it on my own.
Lust
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
To feel wanted and desired
Opportunity and desire
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Boredom
I was in a toxic relationship and didn’t know how to get out.
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
Selfishness
Lack of attention and connection from my partner
Lust
Temptation
Emotional immaturity
I was young and stupid
Low self-worth
To escape from my reality
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
I was young, the relationship wasn’t serious, and I was emotionally immature.
Opportunity
Lack of sex and intimacy
Lust and temptation
To feel wanted and desired
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Boredom and opportunity
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Selfishness
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
Lust
I was young and emotionally immature
To escape from my reality
Opportunity and desire
Low self-worth
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
I was a horny 20-something
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Boredom
I wanted out of the relationship but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it on my own.
Lust and temptation
Emotional immaturity
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Lack of attention and connection from my partner
Selfishness
Opportunity
To feel wanted and desired
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
I was in a toxic relationship and didn’t know how to get out.
Low self-worth
Lack of attention and validation from my partner
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
Lust
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Opportunity and desire
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
I was young, the relationship wasn’t serious, and I was emotionally immature.
Boredom
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
Temptation and opportunity
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
Emotional immaturity
I was young and stupid
To escape from my reality
Low self-worth
Lust and temptation
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Lack of sex and intimacy
I was a horny 20-something
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Opportunity
Selfishness
Lack of attention and connection from my partner
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
To feel wanted and desired
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
Boredom
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
Opportunity and desire
Lust
Emotional immaturity
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
To escape from my reality
Low self-worth
I was young and emotionally immature
Temptation and opportunity
Lack of sex and intimacy
I cheated to get back at my partner for cheating on me
Lack of attention and connection from my partner
Selfishness
Opportunity
Lack of sex, connection, and communication
Lust and temptation
Emotional unavailability in a relationship
I was lonely and wasn’t getting any attention at home.
Lack of intimacy and connection with my partner
I was in a toxic relationship and didn’t know how to get out.
Lack of affection and communication from my partner
Boredom
Lack of sex and intimacy
Low self-worth
To feel wanted and desired
Emotional immaturity
Opportunity and desire
Lack of attention, validation, and affection
I was in an unhappy relationship and looking for an excuse to end it.